Scientifically domestic Christmas

GLaDOS didn't like Christmas.

Not that she disliked it either, it wasn't particularly important to science, but it didn't tend to interfere with it either.

Her internal calendar had always kept her informed of the date, but she hadn't paid holidays any mind. Testing had been far more important.

No, testing was still the most important.

But now there were…

Other things to consider.

This was the first Christmas she'd be spending with Chell and CaTHY. Last year had been the first Christmas after she had replaced [TEST SUBJECT] with 'Chell' in her official logs and files, but back then the human hadn't yet lived in Aperture.

She had spent most of her time outside, presumably with people, and presumably had been doing some useless Christmas stuff with them. Something she would be likely inclined to do, if Aperture wouldn't be suitably festive this year.

And then there was CaTHY.

It had begun as an experiment; since clearly humans were superior to robots when it came to testing, but there were certain advantages to robots as well, some kind of mixture of human and robot would theoretically be the ultimate test subject.

Orange and Blue had been her first attempt, and while it had been an interesting experiment, and the robots were suitable for testing purposes, it was far from complete success. But maybe she could approach the problem from another direction? Take a human and add technology, start with the basic design and improve upon it.

As Chell was apparently best the humanity had to offer, it was only logical to start with her DNA.

And so she had made the Cybernetic and Technological Humanoid Youngster. A clone of Chell, with some improvements, it's growth accelerated and then stopped at the physical age of about 7, as babies would likely have been about as interesting as test subjects as plants. This way she'd be old enough to walk and perform tasks, but still a child, so in theory her organic brain could adapt to the cybernetic components.

Then GLaDOS got to work, replacing some of the clone's brain matter with circuitry, shielding it with a mechanical headpiece that had an optic where the eye would have been. After some thought she also removed the left arm and upgraded it to metallic one, so the cyborg would have the advantage of added strength. She debated whether it would have been practical to replace all bones with a superior metallic frame, but as the test subject was still growing, it would get troublesome. And she could always add more robotic parts later.

Chell's reaction upon finding out about her little project had been more extreme than she had anticipated. Really, if anything, the human should have been happy that her DNA was finally good for something. And if she didn't want her genetic material to be used for science, she shouldn't have shed her DNA all over the place in various flaky and liquid forms

But, just like when GLaDOS had converted her car into scrap metal for turret production, she had disapproved this course of action for dumb reasons.

And yet when GLaDOS had graciously offered to terminate the project, she had disagreed with that too, despite the project being little more than a mindless puppet at that point.

In hindsight, GLaDOS should have anticipated Chell would get attached to the Chell 2.0. It was merely a biological response, no different from hunger or thirst. Or certain other needs GLaDOS found herself fulfilling ever since Chell had moved permanently to Aperture.

But, GLaDOS reasoned, it all turned out well in the end. This was just one more thing that tied Chell to Aperture, and so to her.

Even though she couldn't physically lock Chell up (look how well that had turned out in the past), she could still do so emotionally.

That's what humans did. (GLaDOS briefly wondered if Chell had managed somehow to make her dependent of herself, but quickly dismissed it. She was above being influenced like that. This was about science.)

If Chell had someone to direct all of her nurturing instincts on, it would be less likely she'd run away with some man who could impregnate her so she could have babies.

Similarly, if she'd have a Christmas-celebration in Aperture, it would satisfy that particular need.

Perfect.

She opened the wireless communication: 'CaTHY, come here.'

She could have simply linked to CaTHY's database to check what it said about the subject, to 'read' her mind, as it were.

But it was vital to the experiment she let her personality develop on its own. And Chell had been very strict about that, getting that look in her eyes that said 'I'm not going to give up until I get what I want', and making GLaDOS promise she would leave CaTHY's personality and thoughts alone.

"Yeah?" CaTHY stepped in the main computer room. GLaDOS could have, of course, just talked to her where-ever she was in the facility (Unless she had sneaked to the Old Aperture again.), but the AI thought speaking face to face (so to speak), made reading CaTHY's responses easier, and force her to focus on what she had to say.

"Good Morning, not 'yeah'." GLaDOS corrected. "And what are you looking for in your nose?"

"Nothing."

"Then stop picking it, no, don't wipe it on your blouse either."

GLaDOS mentally sighed. CaTHY definitely got that from Chell. "CaTHY, what do you think of Christmas?"

"Christmas (Old English: Crīstesmæsse, meaning "Christ's Mass") is an annual commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ and a widely observed holiday, celebrated generally on December 25 by millions of people around the world. A feast central to the Christian liturgical year, it closes the Advent season and initiates the twelve days of Christmastide. Christmas is a civil holiday in many of the world's nations, is celebrated by an increasing number of non-Christians, and is an integral part of the Christmas and holiday season."

"Well done, you can recite the Aperture database. Which I wrote, so I know all that. What I asked is what you think of it."

"Why?"

This all would have been far easier if she could have just plugged her in and taken a little look at her files. But GLaDOS couldn't deny there was certain kind of weird appeal in navigating these kinds of childish conversations in order to get her to do what she wanted.

She decided to try motivating the cyborg. "Don't you want presents?"

That got her attention. "Yeah, can I have night vision? Or new plating on my robot arm? You promised."

"I said that I might get to it, if I have time. Your arm is perfectly functional."

"But it's ugly. And it would be nice if it had a built-in power drill."

"CaTHY, I suggest you make a list of upgrades you'd like." GLaDOS had an idea. "Or actually, you should write a letter to Santa."

"Gladdy, Santa isn't real."

"Really? In that case, I guess you won't be getting any presents. Of course I know Santa is made up. It's a thing, we pretend."

CaTHY nodded, thoughtful. "Does Mommy think Santa is real?"

"I hope not."

"She does think weird things sometimes. I think it's because she has just a human-brain."

"Anyway, has she mentioned Christmas?" GLaDOS inquired.

The cyborg shook her head. "No. Maybe she isn't Christian?"

GLaDOS hadn't thought of that. She wasn't certain of Chell's religious convictions. She had told her once "An all-seeing omnipotent power that will control your life? I think that job's already taken.", but GLaDOS didn't know how sarcastic she had been. It was sometimes difficult to tell.

In any case, many cultures had winter celebrations, and based on Chell's cultural background, she most likely celebrated the holiday in a secular way, at least.

"A celebration such as Christmas doesn't need to have a religious aspect to it." GLaDOS told CaTHY. "Similarly, you don't have to believe in Santa to write to him. It will be fun."

"Yeah." She didn't seem totally convinced.

"However, since it's not Santa who will be evaluating your behavior to decide whether you deserve to have gifts, but me, you might want to follow my instructions. And leave your nose alone."

Returning from work, Chell parked her car on of the snowy wheat-field in the abandoned barn she used as a garage and walked to the shack that hid the main entrance to Aperture.

She didn't really need the job for financial reasons, but it was important for her to have that, something outside of Aperture. And the feeling she was pulling her own weight.

But since she didn't have any qualifications, her options were rather limited, and at the moment she was working for a small cleaning firm.

She didn't mind. At least she felt she was doing something useful, and didn't have to spend too much time with people. It was nice to have people around every once in a while, but she disliked crowds, and had difficulty communicating with people, beyond any linguistic limitations. It had been somewhat of a shock for her to realize she was more at home with robots and turrets than fellow human beings.

When she entered the main computer room, the first thing she noticed was a tree.

She had thought GLaDOS had given up on testing on plants.

But upon further inspection, she realized it was a fir tree, and that the various cables wrapped around it weren't a part of some test to see if you could strangle trees to death, but decorations.

As she stood there, CaTHY ran to the tree, carrying an assortment of broken turret parts.

"Hi Mommy! " She greeted her. "Should we put a turret on top?"

So it was CaTHY who had decorated it. That explained why all the decorations were at the bottom of the tree, only as high as she could reach.

It seemed she was well aware of this flaw. "Can you help me put the decorations on higher? I'm asking for a new arm for Christmas, one that can reach higher, much much higher. Have you written to Santa?"

"Oh, it's the family breadwinner. Had fun scrubbing the toilets?" GLaDOS greeted Chell.

"Is that a Christmas-tree?"

"Oh, that." The robot turned to the tree, as if only now noticing it. "No, we just felt like dragging in a tree and decorating it for completely unrelated reasons."

"That was sarcasm." CaTHY added helpfully. "It's a Christmas-tree. Or a holiday-tree, if you'd like."

"We are celebrating Christmas?" Chell had of course known the holiday was approaching, but she hadn't much thought of it in association with Aperture.

"Yes," GLaDOS told her, and added, as an afterthought, "and Chell, just so you know, you don't have to get me anything. It's a children's holiday. Just get something for CaTHY. I won't be expecting anything from you."

Translation; If you won't get me a present I will act all hurt for months.

Chell sighed, aimlessly wandering the streets of the nearby town, looking at the shop windows decorated with elves and fake snow, other late Christmas shoppers briskly walking in the slowly falling snow.

What do you get for an AI who has everything?

Certainly not anything from Aperture, it all basically already belonged to her.

So something she'd buy with the money she got from her job. It was actually a decent amount. Since she didn't spend money on rent or food, or even entertainment, she was able to let her little nest-egg grow steadily.

GLaDOS already has all the books ever written by humanity, maybe puzzles? Something science-related?

Chell decided to concentrate first on getting something for CaTHY, that was a far easier task.

She had showed interest in having a pet, but Chell was afraid it would end up as a test-subject. But having a cat or a dog would be nice, and she could teach her to take care of it…

Maybe later. CaTHY would probably like to try her hand in creating her pet in the lab as a part of her bio-engineering-studies anyway.

Chell, carrying shopping bags full of food, smiled at the sight of a festive main computer room. It seemed the decorations she had brought from her last trip to town had been put to use by CaTHY, ATLAS and P-Body. The two testing robots got along well with CaTHY and often joined in her little projects. It wasn't surprising, they were very childlike, after all, and it was good for CaTHY to have friends that were close to her mental age. Whatever that might have been.

At the moment they were adding more Christmas wreaths and paper snowflakes on the walls. In addition to those, flashing Christmas lights were hung from the ceiling and CaTHY's workstation in the corner of the room had been turned into a nativity scene made of testing equipment. "Hello," the Jesus-turret laying on a bed of storage cubes greeted Chell.

Even GLaDOS had tinsel wrapped around her 'neck', looking like she was wearing a neon blue feather boa.

"Merry Christmas!" CaTHY spun around, showing off her handiwork. "I'm an angel!" She was wearing bright green cardboard wings decorated with shiny stickers and a wreath on her head.

"Oh, you're cute!" Chell signed. "Did you make it yourself?"

CaTHY nodded. "Yeah. Gladdy provided constructive criticism, but I mostly ignored it."

"Dressing up as an angel is not exactly traditional." GLaDOS pointed out.

"So?" CaTHY asked. "Traditions have to start from somewhere. Angels are pretty well established as a central part of Christmas iconography, so I'll just apply it in a slightly different way."

"I think it's a great idea." Chell nodded approvingly.

"I made the wings myself. Oh, wings! It would be nice to have wings! Can I add that to my wish-list?"

"You are too heavy to fly with wings of that size." GLaDOS pointed out.

"I know that! But if I had very big ones-"

"That would be impractical."

"But maybe I could remove them when I get inside? Could I have removable parts, like different tools for my hand?"

Chell left GLaDOS and their daughter to discuss optimal wing-design and headed for the kitchen.

"So, Merry Christmas."

Chell was answered with "Merry Christmas!" from CaTHY and cheerful bleeps from ATLAS and P-Body. The main computer room had been decorated with candles, and middle of it, Chell and the robots had set up a table with their Christmas feast.

All of the guests had been seated, even though only Chell and CaTHY could actually eat the food. But it had felt impolite to leave the others out.

Even Wheatley had been left out of his mud-supervising duty from the depths of the facility. He regularly shot nervous glances at the huge robot hanging from the ceiling, but it seemed GLaDOS had decided torture and Christmas spirit didn't go well together.

"So, presents?" CaTHY asked after finishing her plum pudding and mildly burned ginger-bread cores.

"Um, yeah, is the Santa coming?" Wheatley asked.

"Santa isn't real." CaTHY informed him condescendingly.

"He isn't?"

GLaDOS, having pretended all day Wheatley didn't exist, seemed to only now notice the British core. "You actually thought that a fat man in red flies around the world breaking in people's houses and leaving gifts?"

"N-no! I was just thinking we should pretend for CaTHY's sake…"

"Don't worry, Wheatley! I can be a gift-giving angel!" CaTHY skipped to the Christmas tree that held the gifts underneath. "This one is for me!"

"Why don't you distribute the gifts, and once you're done, we open them at the same time?" Chell suggested.

"Did I get anything?" Wheatley asked.

"You want to know what my gift for you is ?" GLaDOS asked him sweetly.

"N-no?"

GLaDOS ignored his reply. "Your life. I could choose to terminate you now, but I won't. Merry Christmas."

"Th-thanks."

"There is a real gift for you, though." CaTHY held out a small box for him, "And a second one! This is from me, I made it myself. I can open it for you."

"Thanks, Sweetie."

"Oh, you got me a present? I thought we agreed not to?" GLaDOS took the small package with her claw. Chell shrugged, her attention seemingly focused on P-Body fitting the duck-shaped hat CaTHY had knitted on Wheatley.

GLaDOS opened her present. "An USB drive."

"What did you get?" CaTHY looked up from her set of watercolors and other art-supplies Chell had gotten her.

The small USB stick disappeared somewhere in GLaDOS's robot body. "Pictures?"

Chell nodded. "Pictures from the apartment I used to live in, the library I frequent, from my work, around the town. I thought you might want to see what it's like, my life outside. I also kept a diary for a week and wrote small things I happened to think during the day."

"Can I go to see your workplace sometime? Or the library? Is there a museum?" CaTHY asked.

"If GLaDOS thinks it's okay." Chell looked at the AI.

"It might- it might be possible. Just for a short time, and you'd need to be careful. Anyway, Chell, what's that small box, I wonder? What did Santa get you?"

Chell had gotten a beanie, scarf, a coat and a cloak, all knitted by CaTHY (Chell suspected she was afraid her human mother would freeze to death outside), a vaguely elephant-shaped rock from ATLAS and P-Body, and a promise from Wheatley that he had made a statue out of mud for her, but she'd have to come and see it in his workplace. But it was the smallest box she was guessing GLaDOS meant.

Inside was a white metallic ring. She lifted it to the light. Upon closer inspection, it seemed like the ring was made of countless white and some black cables and tiny panels that formed a delicate pattern.

"You are supposed to wear it on your third finger on the left hand." GLaDOS said.

"Are you proposing to her?" Wheatley asked, dumbfounded.

"Of course not, moron," GLaDOS said. "Why would we need to go through a ceremony like that? This is just a practical gift. It has a transmitter on it that lets me know where you are at all times. And it has the added function of showing that you're taken. "

"So, basically, you're married?" Wheatley asked. "Congratulations! That is, if Chell accepts. Blimey, this is awkward, if she is planning to say no-"

A glare from GLaDOS shut him up.

Chell slipped on the ring with a smile.

"Thanks, GLaDOS. It's pretty."

"I'm gonna draw you now." CaTHY announced, spreading her art-supplies on the floor.

"Maybe later. I believe we haven't sung any Christmas carols yet? I think that's a required part of Christmas celebrations." GLaDOS noted.

CaTHY sung few songs, after which GLaDOS played records over the audio-systems in Aperture, cheery tunes echoing in the vast facility. ATLAS and P-Body joined in with a bleeping remix of jingle-bells, and they found out that Wheatley was almost totally tone-deaf, but made up for it with an unrivaled enthusiasm.

Finally CaTHY started to get sleepy, and so ATLAS and P-body left, carrying Wheatley, promising to get him to his work-station as soon as possible.

Chell gently pulled the sleepy cyborg up from the floor. "I'll go put CaTHY to bed. This was fun. Will we do it again next year?"

"Hm, maybe." GLaDOS answered. "However, I am planning for something in a few weeks. "

"New Years celebration?"

"Explosions. For science."

"So, a new Years celebration."